It’s nice to be back, it’s been awhile and I miss this habit of just writing whatever pops up on my mind. I am happy and I could say I am really getting along with life, yeah…the past days are really tough, faith was tested until the only thing I knew was I have no one but God, and patience was provoked until it grew better.

I can still see that star which I used to gaze long before dreams are still vivid and seemingly easy to reach and of everything that happened I can still say that I am moving in progress.

My life was re-engineered, re-aligned and re-evaluated but technically I am the same individual that made me surmount life’s dreadful appeal. It was a gigantic world, complicated as always and I learned to unlearn things and that made it easy for me to perceive that life is not really complicated after all, people are.

People never stop looking for things that made them happy, they dream and they pace towards it. They get it, but still not happy because blessings no matter how huge they are people never get contented and they never had enough of this world, I myself is a victim of this tragedy not until one morning I woke up and I stop my pursuit for happiness and just be happy, it’s a choice yeah…I know that one is an old fact, but you have to choose to take it as a choice before you will finally have it, I enjoy what I have today and I practice the great lesson of contentment but I never stop dreaming thinking that I can do better each time.

This is me today: living one day at a time; enjoying every bite of my food; laughing out loud until my cheekbones hurt; loving without limit and enjoying every moment of this beautiful life.


a REASON for everything

I left home to go somewhere I can breathe, my past days are getting a bit better after the horrible period where I felt like I barely know how to be happy again, yeah I am happy being with Dimchee no doubt he is the only person I will going to spend the rest of my life with, ("sure na," as what JD said) and the only one I can't really live without....there are times that I just wanted to walk or perhaps run til I get tired where I get to breathe out all the bad things I have gone through. I am walking inside Robinson's galleria, random people, random thoughts and the noise of the vehicle passing around the stretch of the city. I grabbed my favorite takuyuki which me and Dimchee used to enjoy, my appetite didn't seem to satisfy that's why I got a chicken burger from KFC and a soda...I sat down in some free seating chairs beside the supermarket, I see people, laughing, talking, some are totally blunt and no one could ever say what they feel inside. I kept walking, thinking and living. The mall is about to close and Ton didn't confirm yet about our meeting, I grabbed a cup of coffee at the Gloria Jeans and the smell of cappuccino is such a breath of fresh air...now I am writing. It's funny how life's transitions can be that hard sometimes it’s like the transition between Sunday and Monday or the transition from a long holidays and suddenly, good morning Manila, I got work today. Nicz and cafz the most inexpensive companions I ever had this night they never fail to comfort me, life is sometimes amazingly horrible but most of the time it’s amazingly awesome, I bet. Amidst the trouble and pain there are always reasons, if not to laugh but to smile just to take a brake and realize how beautiful life still is. Katy Perry is in the background...fireworks playing. I am imagining these installed Christmas lights along the side of street like fireworks…I don't know but I feel so much better now seemingly something good is going to happen, everything has a purpose and I always believe that if bad things happened and screwed you up, soon you will find out that they happened to serve a good or sometimes a better purpose.


just the LAST paragraph

My world is misunderstood in so many ways, yeah…it’s me to begin with nothing more, nothing else, I  am like a leaking parachute floating on air and anytime I would just hit the ground so badly.  I’m just like this, a living metaphor of human happiness and a true-love-type of being.  When I do wrong I am judged. When I wrong people no matter how well-intentioned it is, still, I am persecuted. When I do good they will accuse me of self-interior motives.

Baloney I may say, nothing’s unfair but everything is out of place. You will never get the same amount of love you give, that’s a given fact anyway.

Random…life is random. Even a dog deserves a reward when he does a new trick. I never asked, I just wanted to be appreciated, I was…yeah maybe it’s me or perhaps it was really me who kept those longings unspoken and unseen.

No matter how we dig the most perfect apple out of the bunch it can still be the ugliest apple to someone else. The world is relative nothing seems to be equal among people. What is many for me may not be many to someone else. Indifference, well calculated, uncompromised and one must insist and the other end does the same thing, nothing in between but competition.

To someone this might be a piece of shit, liquidating those unresolved agony, but to someone it can be relevant, a shared thoughts and feelings, a fancy of oneness to someone far yet can talk directly to the soul. To someone this is an empathy a gesture of giving and understanding.

Market place, that’s the world today, people trade everything to be happy and compromise their soul to get what they want.

Heaven, such a nice word, I can smell it; I can see it, seemed so far yet really near. Its within us, people can smell, see, touch and feel it from us. So does hell.

If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this.
~Kitaro Nishida

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.
~Edith Wharton

If you want happiness for an hour take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month get married.
If you want happiness for a year inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime help someone else.
~Chinese proverb

If you want to be happy, be.
-~Leo Tolstoy

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
~Agnes Rippler

Millions of words coming from affluent and influential, help books are everywhere. Why happiness is still elusive, detention, people are colonized within their selves. They try to hide and try to be somebody else.

Over thinking and over analyzing…yeah I do it sometimes or sometimes most of the time. Maybe because this is my nutshell, my subconscious, my dream.

Live, breathe, love and be yourself. Some difficult process thru happiness but we can practice them every day until we perfect them. And yeah…you can forget about everything I wrote and just remember this one.



It was a minute, eight months, and four years now since I found you
A land where I’ve never been to before
And I never expect to see even in my vivid dreams
You’re a fantasy and now became a reality
Everything I see is beautiful
Your blue sky that covers with the whitest clouds
I can almost touch it
It is a mirror that shows my reflection
And it always tells me that I’m beautiful and strong
Your sun never tires to rise
It guides me, it lights me and it smiles at me
Then I can feel that I can do everything
Your flowers never cease to bloom
They are colorful, they dance and they are stunning
They color you as much as they color me
Your grasses are greener more than I can imagine
I lay-down and close my eyes
My troublesome heart is healed
And my cares and worries faded away
The rain falls and the stream flows heavily
But I still want to stay with you
I see you struggle with God’s given trials
Like any other land I found before
But I still found you the most beautiful place on earth
At my darkest night your stars and moon light me up
I will lay-down with wind whispering me your songs
They are soft lullabies, they caress me and they console my soul
I fell asleep with your bossom

Feeling your tight embrace that eases the cold of the night
The midnight dew that wets me
I can feel you kissing me and touching me
And loving me…

Whenever I’m here I never feel alone
I miss no one and I never wanted anyone
Just this land,
I found everything,
I found love,
And I will never leave you,
my beautiful land,
my love...
my DN...



Pacing over surface of blinding light,
random faces in this random life.
The world turns in trick or treat,
in endless turns like mary-go-round,
in dead horses of broad grin.

He eats, drinks, cries and dies.
He eats, drinks, laughs and dies.
He buys his world,
I create my world,
I buy my world,
He creates his world.

He gives, I give.
I give, I give.

Colors, feelings, life and death.
My world screams deep.
Invisible at the abysses.

My heart, his heart,
there in his world.
He creates, I buy,
my blood, my tears, I gave.
He thirsts, I gave.
I thirst, I thirst,
I thirsted......


Narrow or wide?
Dazzling or dim?
Colored or plain?

What is the road?

Rocky or smooth?
Smooth with an end of tears?
or rocky that gives life dreams?


Red, orange, yellow, green,
blue, indigo and violet.
A colored world,
that colors life.
Look at the rainbow,
and choose your color.


Yesterday I went out to unwind, after an exacting days of drama and emotional torture in all aspects of life, now I'm perky. It helps a lot to be alone sometimes and find time to see my self but not necessarily lonely. I got a good massage, I grabbed a tumbler of pop corn and soda and went at the movie house, I feel relieved again I never wanted to lose the idea that my happiness is just really simple and aside from reuniting with myself once in awhile I always treasure the thought that the most important things in life are people, people dear to us and people who value and love us. Yesterday I also dropped by to church and whisper some simple prayers...I ask God to visit me in my dreams and be with me in my prayer and talk to me in silence...He's the only one I can lean on for everything and I thank Him for that. I am on the process of mastering this life soon I will carry on, and bit by bit, little by little this too shall pass.