Yesterday I went out to unwind, after an exacting days of drama and emotional torture in all aspects of life, now I'm perky. It helps a lot to be alone sometimes and find time to see my self but not necessarily lonely. I got a good massage, I grabbed a tumbler of pop corn and soda and went at the movie house, I feel relieved again I never wanted to lose the idea that my happiness is just really simple and aside from reuniting with myself once in awhile I always treasure the thought that the most important things in life are people, people dear to us and people who value and love us. Yesterday I also dropped by to church and whisper some simple prayers...I ask God to visit me in my dreams and be with me in my prayer and talk to me in silence...He's the only one I can lean on for everything and I thank Him for that. I am on the process of mastering this life soon I will carry on, and bit by bit, little by little this too shall pass.

Living life the EASIER W A Y

 

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. We have to face the fact that people change and often they become the persons they said they will never be. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun comes up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

 

Life is really short. Eat, pray, love and most of all make love. Be young everyday.

why I LOVE to dream?

The wall is white and brightens up by a luminous bulb. I can hear every tick of the clock. I can feel every drop of that saline solution coming from that hanging bottle connected to my veins. It was painful and penetrating.

It was yesterday when the Doctor diagnosed me of leukemia on its most chronic stage.

My family and friends are there crying in pain when the Doctor said I've got only few months, weeks or maybe days left to stay.

I see how their hearts break...

I was in denial. And I am not bothered thinking that I was just on the first stage of grieving. It was normal and I'm still strong. I don't know if I would feel the same thing in  anger, bargaining and depression and could easily go through acceptance. I know it would be different. I know it was a stage not a phase. I have to help myself. I have to be indulged in taking the next step, that's the only time I can continue grieving.

And now I'm apprehensive. I couldn't believe more. I'm anxious.

I realized learning these stages of grief from the nursing school is far much different when you yourself has to experience them. I tried to console myself but it never work.

I woke up and see the green wall of my room, my century old tv and some vintage frames with some assorted pictures hanging on my wall...this is my room, and it was just a dream I don't know if that was good or bad but thou was just a dream...

I remember telling my college best friend that sometimes, " i want to live my dreams at night and dream my life in the morning..." sometimes it make sense maybe because my mom told me the dreams are sweet and that almost everyone wish us of sweet dreams.

Sometimes I found this dream morbid and creepy. I'm dying, and of all people why me? and of all sickness, why leukemia? But I also find it sweet. I saw all my loved ones and friends that even in reality sometimes I seldom see them or seldom feel them. Dreams are from our subconsciousness...meaning they came from reality, it might be observation or long time event. Maybe watching the movie My Sister's Keeper contributed much in this dream, which by the way a real tear-jerker.

I called my college best friend and told him that, DREAM and REALITY, they both have bad sides but they are both sweet.