Everything seemed so fucked up as of the moment, I have never felt so hurt and down like this before. It’s all my fault, I defied the most important rule, which I thought doesn’t really work for me. I’d been so eccentric with the idea that not giving everything somehow will save you at the end. This is the time that I’d been thinking if it’s all worth it? And believe me I could only hope, it is. It’s really hard when the world I knew becomes a strange face of reality that no matter how you love someone with all your heart, mind and soul, no matter how you trade everything for this person it will never get back the same way. Yeah…I am stupid in my own world and perhaps with yours, there’s no one to blame than me, not even that blind love. I can only imagine how absurd and cynical I have been before about love until I get fucked up and one morning I woke up and suddenly I believe in fairy tale…yeah…the prince and princess, the love, the winning the battle together and God…the happy ending. I’d been such a stupid emo…blogging, crying my nose out and squeezing my heart until nothing left to feel, until the tears run dry and the world becomes real again. I get under the spell of an idealist, alas, I became a believer of love, not bad because this will always be one thing, I think I will never regret and I will always smile every time I will feel and remember it. I wish it never change the way before, where everything is walked through even how hard it is and everything has a smile no matter how simple it is, that’s the thing now everything could just be a wish and no matter how I wanted to fight to bring it back somehow, it’s never easy to fight alone. No one but me, I, myself and me. I deserve to cry and I deserve this pain. I wish my heart will blow away its burden every time I puff this cigar, nothing seems to help this time, not caffeine, not music, not the stars nor that most cherished moon. I wish this is just one of the moments, one of the transitions, one of the trials and I wish it could turn back the way before, I wish this is just one paragraph to let loose away or perhaps I might need to say hello to a whole new world.